A Kingly Very Bad Day

Red Sunset The King's Very Bad Day

I’ll get to the title, “A Kingly Very Bad Day” in a bit. First, a wander into a memory of mine. Dementia stole my Mom. Over five years it robbed her of everything until it took the last thing she had—life.

On the way to heaven my Mom would stand at a doorway and ask, “WHY IS THE TV OFF?” or “I WANT BREAKFAST! YOU HAVEN’T FED ME BREAKFAST! WHY ARE YOU STARVING ME!” and so on. My Dad had to buy a locking toolbox and put her meds in it because she was raiding the medicine cabinet for her proscribed sedatives. Dementia took her ability to moderate her emotions and behavior along with her memory.

Next, we didn’t spend much time in the honeymoon phase of the abuse cycle. There are already hints that tension is building. Tension building is the last step in the cycle before another explosive event. The abuse cycle lives in the absurd, heart-driven part of our reality. So it’s inconvenient in the way the weather is inconvenient. We know something is coming but we don’t know exactly what nor do we know exactly when.

TRUMP IS HURTING ME!

HRH Joseph Robinette Biden reminds me of my Mom. He has moments where his brain isn’t connected to his mouth and stupid shit comes out. For the fact-checkers who worry about this space what follows is fiction. This is BiteMe’s very bad day.

05-Jan-2021, Washington D.C. AP Wire

A new, more calm era in American history was inaugurated yesterday. We go live now to the Senate Office Building lobby, “COME ON, MAN!! DO YOU KNOW WHO I AM? I AM THE SENIOR SENATOR FROM DELAWARE!!! YOU NEED TO FIX MY BADGE AND LET ME IN RIGHT NOW!!! WHAT’S YOUR NAME SON!? GET ME A PHONE BECAUSE YOU ARE FIRED!!!

Sir, I beg your pardon. You were inaugurated as the President yesterday. You are in the wrong building.

“LISTEN YOU LITTLE BITCH ASSED CRACKER SON OF A BITCH!! IAM IN THE RIGHT BUILDING!! I AM NOT THE PRESIDENT!! THAT ASSHOLE GEORGE BUSH IS PRESIDENT!! LET ME THROUGH!!”

The Secret Service is at a loss. They protect POTUS but BiteMe runs at the metal detector hell-bent on shoving his way through. The Capital Police respond by taking him to the ground and cuffing him. He is lifted and helped through a side door on the public side of the metal detectors where paramedics await.

Objective Truth

05-Jan-2021, Washington D.C. CNN

Deep Fake QANON Terrorist Attempts Bombing Attack on Senate Office Building

We are getting reports of a terrorist dressed like the President and wearing a mask rushed the security gates before being arrested by Capitol Police. Sources familiar with the incident have informed us that the terrorist is a QANON supporter. We spoke with NY Times National Security Correspondent James Risen who informed us that the FBI had executed a search warrant on Yusef R. Biden, of Claymont, DE, and found pipe bomb materials and a laptop containing 4chan posts making false claims that our President cheated to get elected. The Capitol Police have not responded to our requests for information on Mr. Biden’s arrest.

“We go live to Manu Raju with details on this active shooter incident.” A live shot of Raju starts. In the background behind Raju is a shot of a perp walk with FBI agents and an old man who appears to be Joe Biden, “LET ME GO ASSHOLE! I AM THE SENIOR SENATOR FROM DELAWARE!”. “Raju? RAJU! Cut the camera. CUT THE CAMERA!”

A Kingly Very Bad Day Politico logo

08-Jan-2021, Washington D.C. Politico

Qanon Assassination Attempt on the President Thwarted

Washington D.C. Capital Police arrested Yusef R. Biden on charges of attempted assassination after Mr. Biden attempted to break through the security gates at the Senate Office Building. Sources familiar with the incident said that Mr. Biden threatened to kill the President who was not in D.C. at the time of the incident.

The Senate Office Building was locked down yesterday while the FBI and Capitol Police searched for bombs after discovering posts on 4chan by Mr. Biden threatening to blow up the White House. Security at the Capitol and the Senate Office Buildings has been increased. The National Guard deployed this morning to cordon off the area surrounding the Capitol Building, the Senate and House Office Buildings, and the Supreme Court.

Subjective Lies

11-Jan-2021, New York, NY WABC Rush Limbaugh Show

Todd Herman, “You gotta love the left. Joe Biden has a tantrum caught on security cameras. His outburst is the most dramatic evidence to date that the man is suffering from a mental decline. In minutes the Praetorian Guard was on duty accusing QAnon of attempting to bomb the Senate Office Building. I’d tell you to go look at the video but YouTube took it down. Politico, not to be outdone, posted a story claiming that Yusef R. Biden attempted to assassinate the President. Facebook and Twitter are blocking posts that dispute the Politico story. We voted for this, America. We’ll be right back after this obscene profit break.”

11-Jan-2021, New York, NY WOR Sean Hannity

“We have a true Schiff Show on our hands, America. The President was caught on tape trying to get into the Senate Office Building. Biden’s Praetorian Guard is peeing their pants with excitement over the arrest of Yusef R. Biden, of Claymont, DE on charges of attempting to assassinate the President. CNN reported that pipe bomb materials were found at the residence of Mr. Biden. Mr. Biden’s lawyer released a statement saying that his client was not in D.C. on Friday and has never made a pipe bomb.”

12-Jan-2021, Atlanta, GA, Cuomo Prime Time News

We have proof, America. Sean Hannity is a threat to our Democracy. His lies are inciting insurrection in Washington D.C. Hannity claimed that our President was arrested for attempting to break into the Senate Office Building when in fact, a certain Yusef Biden is in jail because he assaulted the Capital Police while trying to assassinate the President. Hannity needs to be in prison and his social media accounts canceled! Hannity’s continued freedom is a travesty of justice!

Complicated Truth

12-Jan-2021, New York, NY WABC

We are sad to announce that Joseph R. Biden, the 46th President of the United States has been admitted to the Memory Care Unit of Walter Reed National Military Medical Center in Bethesda, MD. Dr. Sean Connolly said that Mr. Biden is resting comfortably and responding to treatment. Vice President Harris has assumed the role of Acting President. In a statement, Madame Pelosi said, “this is a very sad moment for our country. Joe is a close friend and a dedicated servant of this country.

12-Jan-2021, Washington D.C. Walter Reed

Dr. Connolly, “Good morning Mr. President. How are you?”
POTUS, “Good morning. Why did you call me President?”
“Sorry, Joe, what is today’s date?”
“January 4th”
“Good. What year?”
“What do you mean what year? Don’t you know? It’s 1973. Where is my breakfast?”
“Sir, we fed you two hours ago.”
“I don’t remember that. I’m hungry, can I get breakfast?”

15-Jan-2021, Washington D.C. Walter Reed

BiteMe, “Hey baby, what’s up?”
HRH Harrassem, “Excuse me!?”
“What you doing, chocolate love?”
“Sir, there is a full calendar today. Can we get started?”
“No. You have your clothes on.”
“Sir, do you know who I am?”
“You are Neesha, my hookup from Wilmington. Good times.”
“Sorry, sir, I am Kamala Harris, your Vice President.”
“That’s not right. Richard Cheney is Vice President. You are my special friend who gives me happy endings. Your hair looks great. Can I smell it?”
HRH Harrassem leaves the Presidential suite at Walter Reed, “I can’t work with him. He’s not processing things right. I need to talk to Nancy and Ron.”

18-Feb-2021, Washington D.C. Rose Garden

Jen Psaki, “First, I will not be taking questions, Next, it is with great sadness that I am here to announce our friend and President, Joseph Robinette Biden, has been diagnosed with severe Frontotemporal Dementia. He is resting comfortably at the Presidential Suite of Walter Reed. Vice President Harris, in coordination with members of the Cabinet, Ron Klain and Nancy Pelosi have begun the 25th Amendment process for protecting the integrity of our government. Ms. Harris has assumed the role of acting President while we complete the transition to a new administration.”

18-Feb-2021, Richmond, VA

This is a tangent. It does not connect to the above fictional narrative about our hapless President. Yesterday afternoon Kathryn Limbaugh announced that her husband, Rush Limbaugh passed away. A lot is being said, some of it rather angry. The only thing I have to add is this–if we only listen to members of our tribe who encourage us to blame and hate the other then we will never be free of the sins we accuse the other of. Blame and hate bind both the accuser and the accused. To be free we must continue to forgive and love our enemies. Rush was a spearpoint irritating the elites who believe their post-apocalyptic paradise only includes sycophants and true believers. He will be missed.

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By Alan Webb

Chief bottle washer and king of my own sandbox. Titular emperor of this sometimes benevolent dictatorship. Owner operator of Transit Webb, an UberX and Lyft partner in Richmond, VA. Author and developer of this site, arts-fire.com, transitwebb.com, baughholdingcompany.com, and cacklephony.com

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