Neesha Has Spoken

Neesha, Queen of Karinostan. You’ve met Neesha. She’s the perpetually angry, easily triggered woman whose every third word is racist. Roses are racist. Daisies are racist. Roaches are racist. Marlboro Red is racist. White people? Born racist and innately evil. Neesha has spoken. Let’s add the word, “innately” because Neesha doesn’t know it.

Neesha’s Kindle library has a complete list of Communist, Socialist, and Black History titles. Oh, just a reminder, you are racist. Neesha has spoken. Don’t worry. You have good company. God is racist. For good measure, the weather is racist.

Neesha is late on her rent at a public housing project. Biden and Fouci said she didn’t have to pay her bills because Pimp Daddy Unka Sam would pay. Unka Sam is racist because he won’t give her checks. She been tryina get paid since last year when Trump tore up the capital building. Trump was an asshole but at least he paid.

Homeless Woman (Not Neesha) Neesha Has Spoken
Not Neesha

You Owe Neesha

Hate eats the soul. Neesha, a decade or so ago, was a promising GED graduate working the counter at Popeyes. Her greatest wish was to get out of the generational poverty she grew up in. She applied for scholarships, maintained her FAFSA, looked for colleges that would accept her. Then all that deep dive into Maoism and Marxism and so on addicted her to the hate and sadism that is a big feature of Communism. Neesha isn’t the hater, you are.

Neesha’s 26th birthday came and went in the thick of the COVID-19 panic. Her Popeye’s store closed. She got unemployment and became the primary breadwinner for her Mom and four brothers. Yes, like that. Why would you question the sequence? You are racist for challenging her narrative. It’s her truth, white supremacist bitch.

Systemic Karinostan

And now, for a word from Neesha’s sponsor, Karinostan. Karinostan is a cult. In Karinostan all conflicts end with an appeal to a manager whose authority is unquestionable. Free will is racist in Karinostan. The managers of Karinostan promise that its citizens will be provided for. They needn’t trouble themselves with small worries like groceries, rent (no mortgages), Internet connectivity, electricity, trash service, or transportation. Everything will be taken care of–all in exchange for total surrender to the managers.

The managers are racist. Neesha has spoken. Neesha lives in Karinostan. She had no electricity, water, or other basic utilities. Until she did a thing and got arrested.

Karinostan is racist. Some of its citizens are more equal than others. Oy, enough. I can only tolerate so much of Neesha and Karinostan. Let’s get on with a story. Starting here: Neesha likes jail. Why? In exchange for the little freedom she had, she gets taken care of. Plus, you can win in jail if you know how to cheat. Neesha is a brilliant cheat. I’ll tell you how she learned this.

Rock Bottom Neesha has Spoken

Peak Bottom

It was a peak moment for Neesha. There was one pack of ramen noodles and a Popeyes chicken wing in the apartment for her and the five family members who lived with her. The roaches were eating better than they were. Dirty dishes filled every horizontal surface in the kitchen. On top of that was a festering pile of take-out containers, styrene foam bowls, plates, and red solo cups. Something had to give. So Neesha gave up the little bit of freedom she had left. She robbed the corner store.

The whole thing was stupid. Her gun was her index finger stuck into a jacket pocket. She demanded money from the register after shoplifting more ramen noodle packs and a liter of Mellow Yellow. Neesha made it out of the store with her stolen goods and a couple of blocks down the street before an RPD cop pulled up and initiated a felony arrest. She wasn’t wearing a mask, btw.

So said Neesha, the cop is racist and ought to be arrested for murdering her. But . . . Neesha is serving time in County Jail for assaulting a police officer with the liter of Mellow Yellow. You are racist for claiming that she assaulted the police officer. She did no such thing. Also, the cop owes Neesha a liter of Mellow Yellow. Neesha has spoken.

Systemic Evil

The Judge was racist. The Public Defender is racist and farts too much. The ADA who argued for a plea deal is a racist asshole. He supposed to be down for the cause and buy her a Popeyes Big Family Feast after he gets her out of County Max. No, you can’t have any of her Popeyes and you are racist for asking. Goddamned ADA is a racist bitch.

This is what happened. Neesha robbed the corner store and got caught. Then she flipped out and threw her liter of Mellow Yellow at the cop. The soda bottle missed the cop and burst open on his patrol car. There is body camera footage of Neesha throwing ramen noodle packs at the cop, some of which hit their target. Which . . . is stupid enough but the video made its way to YouTube and got a million likes.

Because the 911 caller reported being robbed at gunpoint the cops did a felony stop. Five cars with a sergeant running point. Neesha would not comply so . . . things didn’t go smoothly. Along the way to being cuffed she ran out of ramen noodle packs to throw and used her shoes, her yoga pants, the thong, the bra and the hoodie as things to toss at the cops. You are not only racist you are a creepy asshole. Neesha has to fight the police. It is the Way.

Neesha’s Way

The cops sexually abused Neesha. While cuffing her they touched her. The cop that cuffed her was in a KKK grand dragon uniform and put his knee on her back for an hour. Neesha has spoken. That you don’t believe her is proof that you are racist.

So . . . long story short, Neesha is in County Max on psychiatric hold. She will be there for a month while the docs and social workers figure out how to get her lucid. The doctors and social workers are racist.

The middle part, from being arrested through arrival in the Psych Ward of County Jail, is predictable. The system did its job. Neesha didn’t and spent some time in a confinement chair. Confinement chairs are racist. Neesha accused everyone along the way of raping her, assaulting her, murdering her, of systemic racism and general evil. Because . . . COVID-19. She wasn’t wearing a mask, remember. COVID-19 is racist. The vaccines are racist.

Commonwealth Catholic Charities. Neesha has Spoken

Conclusions are Racist

The usual thing is to end on a moral, a point. Or . . . it was at one time. In the Recovery Community, during a meeting, one of the rules is a ban on sermonizing. Also, if you have to explain a joke it ceases to be funny. So with that said, I’m not going to say what the moral of this story is. I have spoken.

I will add this. There is help if you are struggling. You don’t have to go the way that Neesha went. In RVA we have Commonwealth Catholic Charities. I suggest starting there instead of Social Services.

Last thing, Neesha, a devoted Maoist, has discovered Black Market trade in jail. She’s made herself a nice little nest egg supplying fellow inmates with feminine hygiene products and underwear. Neesha, the fierce Communist warrior, is an evil capitalist in the psych ward. That’s her cheat that has made jail a place to be. Oh, and one more important detail—Neesha is white.

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By Alan Webb

Chief bottle washer and king of my own sandbox. Titular emperor of this sometimes benevolent dictatorship. Owner operator of Transit Webb, an UberX and Lyft partner in Richmond, VA. Author and developer of this site, arts-fire.com, transitwebb.com, baughholdingcompany.com, and cacklephony.com

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