Turn My Interwebby Thing Back On!

First Posted 13-Jan-2015

Bob returns, “Thank you for calling MCI Worldcom Customer Service. My name is Bob. How may I make your day better?”

당신의 이름 은 당신이 머리 바보 기저귀 밥 하지 않습니다! 왜 내Interweb 를 해제 했는가?
(Your name is not Bob, you diaper head idiot. Why did you turn off my Interweb?)

당신은 한국어입니까? 나는 힌디어입니다. 우리는 영어로 말할 수있다 (You are Korean? I am Hindi. May we speak in English?)

“Whatever. Turn my interweb back on.”

“Before I answer your question may I ask if you have your account number available?”

“No, you may not. I am Kim Jong-Un. Leader of the Democratic Free Peoples Republic of Korea. I don’t need an account number. You need to turn my Interweb back on this minute! You’re lucky you still have a job.”

Muttered on mute, “क्यों इसे और अधिक शक्तिशाली लोगों बेवकूफी वे कर रहे हैं कर रहे हैं? I understand. You say your problem is that you can’t connect to the Internet?”

“Yes! Idiot! Somebody turned off my interweb. Turn it back on! NOW!”

मैं एक बेहतर नौकरी की जरूरत है।. Ok. May I know who your local service provider is? Perhaps I can direct your call to their customer support line.”

“No you stupid curry eating, diaper head fool! I am the leader of North Korea! I can’t get online! There is no local service provider! You guys are the service provider!”

May I place you on hold for just a moment?”

“No, you may not . . . You may turn back my Interweb on right now!”

“Sir, if I may, shouting will not help here.”

“Shouting! SHOUTING! DO YOU KNOW WHO I AM?! I CAN DAMN WELL SHOUT IF I WANT TO! NOW TURN ON MY INTERWEB!”

“Please hold, sir.”

“NO! I WILL NOT HO . . .”

[Muzak plays for 15 minutes] “Thank you for holding, Mr. Un. Mr. Un? Are you there sir?”

[Sounds of someone fumbling the handset on a phone] “YES! yes. I’m here. Did you turn my interweb back on?”

“I’m sorry sir. There has been a security issue with service through China. I checked to see who your provider is. North Korea is a customer of China Unicom. I can transfer you to their customer service line . . .”

“I don’t want to be transferred. I want you, Bob, diaperhead stupidhead, to turn my interweb back on.”

[Phone goes quiet, there are several clicks, then Muzak® on hold. MCI Worldcom has left the call.] “感謝您致電中國聯通的客戶服務,請問有什麼可以幫助您今天?

“당신은 지금 다시 내 인터넷을 설정할 수 있습니다!”

抱歉。你是韓國人?請稍等,我幫你轉移到該行。
(Sorry. You are Korean? Please hold while I transfer you to that line.)

[Phone goes quiet, there are several clicks, then Muzak® on hold. Hold time is 20 minutes] “차이나 유니콤 고객 지원 센터에 전화 주셔서 감사합니다. 내 이름은 명나라입니다. 귀하의 계정 번호주십시오 가질 수있다??” (Thank you for calling China Unicom Customer Support. My name is Ming. May I have your account number please?)

우리는 영어를 할 것이다. 당신의 한국어 끔찍한입니다.
(We will speak English. Your Korean is horrible.)
“We can do that, Mr. Un. I understand your Internet connection is not working?”

“Ming, my entire country can’t get online. Why did you guys turn off my interweb? And turn it back on, please. 가장 싫은 장소.

Please hold while I check your connection, Mr. Un.” [Phone goes quiet, there are several clicks, then Korean Muzak® on hold. Hold time is 5 minutes]

“Mr. Un? Thank you for holding. Have you tried refreshing a page?”

“That’s not going to help! Turn my interweb back on!”

“Mr. Un, thank you for your patience. Would you try refreshing a page for me?”

“놀랄 만한. It’s working. Don’t turn it off anymore!”

[Call ends]

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