First Posted 30-Jul-2015
The knowledge that MGTOW is a thing bugs me. Men Going Their Own Way because they’ve decided that the bullshit way outpaces the affection in all cases and therefore, the affection isn’t worth it–it can’t be that *all* women are like this. There are good women, good marriages, good relationships. There are bad ones, and I guess the men who claim the acronym MGTOW reflect that. But just like you can’t predict future success from the past, you likewise can’t predict future failure based on the past. Every relationship is both similar and different.
Each time there is the chance that this time, it will succeed. Before I go further I have some words for women who have engendered a reaction in men such that they’d rather just go their own way. Girls, if you are pissing off men and breaking up with them, you might want to pause and do an inventory. Maybe it isn’t him. Maybe it is you. That’s one thing. 2. At my age, because of medical problems and changes to my body, you, hotness, are not the stimulus you once were. Where once a pretty woman made me nervous and had me wanting to jump her bones right there, right then, now I wonder what she’s like the other 23.5 hours of the day. I start calculating what she offers against what I have to do to get it. Women offer:
- Domestic goddess–she’ll clean, cook, do laundry, maybe mow the lawn, & garden, maybe.
- Chef–she’ll cook all the meals and do the dishes after
- Child Care–she’ll take care of the kids for the 10 hours a day when a guy is at work.
- Companionship–she’ll enjoy what you enjoy, including the umpteenth binge watch of Breaking Bad and another marathon of World of Warcraft on your tired old 1st Gen XBox.
- Sex–she’ll make love to you when you want.
Or, that’s what we men hope for. Too many women fall short of the mark. And I’ve changed. Those five bullet points are not things I hunger for so much anymore. Of them:
- Domestic goddess–My house is clean. I keep it that way. The one friend who offered to clean it (in a skimpy French Maid costume even), waved a feather duster about in the air while she stood in the middle of the living room holding a Bud Light in the other hand and after a few seconds of furious waving, pronounced the job done and asked for another beer. She hasn’t been back.
- Chef–It’s been a while since I’ve met a woman that can cook. I’ve worked as a dishwasher and line cook at points in my career. I’ve been trained by a CIA chef to do saute and prep. I can cook. I don’t need a cook.
- Child Care–my son is 19. He’s beyond child care. When he gets lonely for home he goes to his Mom’s house.
- Companionship–this, this can only be had by hanging out with other folk. But I’m finding it easier to hang out with the guys than put up with the baggage some women seem to drag to a date. Girls, leave the agenda at home. There is time for that, later.
- Sex–I’m of a flavor of Christianity that believes in either fidelity in marriage or chastity in singleness. This means, until she and I have married, we are not having sex. I am divorced, with a son, so I am not a virgin. The mystery of married sex and fatherhood isn’t a mystery to me. And I’m not in the flower of my youth. My libido needs a fair bit of encouragement to wake up. Even then, it’s underwhelming. So, sex presents challenges that can cause me to go watch another episode of Mythbusters instead.
I’m sure there is a woman’s take on the above. If I get comments from women worth posting, I’ll do that. I’d love to hear from women on this.
Next, we change. The things that excite us at 50+ are somewhat different than when we were 20-something. I’ll find a woman who is into me and wants to be around for the next 50 years. She’s out there. She’s a reason not to be a man who goes his own way. There are enough good people, good women and men, that the cynical & grumpy who have decided to go home from the sandbox with their toys and sulk, can just do that.
Love disrupts. I said that in a previous post. We can’t fall in love and remain the same. When we do there is strife of our own making. I’ve also said elsewhere that I believe God’s plan in giving us Eve only somewhat aligns with ours. He asks us to love him more dearly, love neighbors and enemies, to treat others as we wish to be treated. Women are gifted with this commission from God, to help us do what he asks of us. So, yeah, we might want a maid, a lover, a cook, someone to listen to the same damn story about that WoW battle we won in college again but along with that, she has a mission from God to fulfill–to help us men do that love thing better.
That is the hope. That’s the thing we can’t get just nursing our annoyances with the ball & chain who bitched at us again for leaving a dirty sponge on the stove as the last thing while cleaning it. Women are here to help us love God more dearly. The way they do it might not be entirely the way we wish they would. But . . . God didn’t ask us what we wish. He decided that we needed help and thus gave us Eve. Instead of sulking and deciding to ignore God, ignore women, maybe we should stop being pussies and cowboy up to what God wants of us through women.