Panoramic Paranoia

First Posted 25-Jun-2015

It’s been a month. A month further back I spotted one of the Google Maps camera cars zipping up 10th Street in downtown Richmond, VA. Now I am driving a similar car for Microsoft, for the competition. I start my day at about 4am, get myself together and all things being optimal, spend the next 14 hours wandering up and down the streets of America while a very expensive panoramic camera shoots pictures of what I drive past. It takes about 3 months for the stuff I shoot today to be released to bing maps. The site where you can provide feedback on what we shoot is here:

We’ve been working for a month so it’s still a couple more months before any of what we’ve been shooting will show up. That’s the story we are sticking to when someone asks. But . . . this space isn’t about that. It’s about, yeah, again he says, it’s about how the way we narrate our lives both teaches others about us and influences our behavior. Most of the people I drive by get it. They see the Bing maps signs on the side of the car and wave with a smile. Those folk? Whatever? Not blog worthy. No.

The ones that get a mention in this space are the ones that think I am an alien spy driving a mobile satellite uplink spreading group (grope?) think through the little flying saucer on one side of the roof mounted gizmos. Those guys, those are the ones that belong on this space. According to them, I am evil. I represent corporate/government/alien intrusion into their privacy. Why my car, with its Bing Maps logo, is more evil than the competing Google cars, is beyond me. Maybe it’s because folk hate Bill more than they hate the amorphous Borg cube populated by Google associates. Bill’s minions have been around longer and write the software that makes our pc’s work, mostly. The Google cube dominates our phones. We love our phones. we love our phones. we love our phones. we . . . sorry, uhm, yeah, what was I ranting about? Evil Bill? Nah, mistake, my bad, I love Bill. Bill loves me. We are a great big family. With a great big hug and a kiss from Bill . . .

So . . . anyhoo . . . people link us to some government/alien spy agency and believe that what we are doing is not benign. My bills are getting paid by this evil conspiracy so in the name of not biting the hand that feeds me . . . I love Bill. Bill loves me. whoa, blanked out there for a second, right, uhm, ok, I can’t say if this is an ultimate evil or not. On the surface, not, but then, what’s the fun in that? Here, for purely entertainment purposes only, is a conspiracy theory made of whole cloth for those that don’t believe me when I tell them that we are doing this for Microsoft. First, if you don’t know, Obama is an alien. He was a king on his home planet but was booted off when they figured out he wasn’t actually a member of the leadership caste. So, he’s here, slowly converting the presidency into an imperial position, to regain what he lost. Bing Maps conspiracy . . . I’m getting there. HRH Obummer and his military needs pictures of every house in the nation so they know whose door to knock on when dissent is detected. Instead of black humvees trolling the streets he’s assimilated Bill Gates and gotten Bill to get Microsoft to do it. Nice, friendly looking Toyota Rav4’s with suspicious looking masts, no problem, right? [a brilliant white light fills the room while this writer is typing. Suddenly, he forgets what he was blogging about]. Whoa. I have this incredible urge to buy a pound of Seattle’s Best coffee. Windows 10 is now a must have. What was I writing about? Bing Maps? Yeah, great site. You should check it out. The black HumVee with the mast? Nothing to worry about, trust me.


  1. Touwndoch! That’s a really cool way of putting it!

  2. You said one thing true. You ain’t been right for a long time. You need to think about what you are doing. I saw the page about the people on the site. Are you writing fiction or are you a liar?

    1. Bear–ouch. Fiction is lies. The ethical difference I see is that a fiction writer is clear that his work is not intended to be interpreted as empirically or factually true. I’m sorry if you feel I have overstepped my privilege as a fiction writer and lied.

Comments are closed.