I’m at a pivot point. Post 365 published last week. My normal is somewhere near disaster. Each time I think this time, this thing that has kicked off, will be the end of me. Not yet. Some day, sure. We all have an end. That what next is certain. It’s the middle part between mewling babe to pipes and whistles where we have some free will.
I’m nearer pipes and whistles than I’d like. My sixty-fifth birthday happened. Uncle Sam expects me to retire, accept his medical insurance and stipend. I will, just not yet. My maximum payout won’t be available for another five years.
For at least five years the causes of my latest anxiety provoking mess relate to my health. I’m overweight and diabetic—typical of a late boomer. A single blueberry muffin sends my numbers into ER turf. Meaning don’t do that. I do that which I ought not do. I’m the one that swapped hard drives from laptop to laptop and set off security alarms at my last IT Specialist job. I’m also the one that went from decades of no accidents, tickets, or incidents with passengers to one of those a couple times a year.
Problem? What Problem?
Delivering car parts was my refuge from the escalating negative consequences of working a high stress job and eating food that will put me in the hospital. I ignored the symptoms meant to warn me that I was getting sicker. Then in order, I tripped on a ladder at work and was rear ended on the way home.
Escalating negative consequences are God’s loving way of warning you that harder times lay ahead if we don’t heed them. “I’m fine,” I’d say. Accusations of soliciting sex from an Uber passenger, at least one car wreck a year while doing rideshare, fired for violating security protocols as an IT Specialist at a Fortune 500 Company doesn’t sound fine. Add to that slipping on a ladder at a warehouse job and landing in the hospital for three days after being rear-ended. Not fine.
I have not worked a real job since last spring. I’ve been living on money I inherited from my Dad. That money is almost gone. So here I am again. Almost flat broke and no visible means of support. I’d rather overdose on black licorice than do more IT work. My driving record is trending in the wrong direction. The what next has to be something else.
Its That All There Is?
Am I only my failures? Are my gifts the regrets I have? Is that the what next—to be one of those old men who hold forth on the former days of my youth? Please no. When I was nineteen the hero’s journey I sought was a less traveled by road to Broadway. I wanted to be a working actor.
Careers that require years of sacrifice were not for me. The one thing I hated more than anything was misery. To succeed in theater requires doing hard things with the likely outcome being failure. I wanted my standing ovation at the Gershwin because I was entitled to it. So I rattled around from job to job running from misery only to find the what next worse thing. I have a vacation home in Rock Bottom.
The second thing I most hated was a decision. Pick a path and pursue it. Do the hard things needed to accomplish the goal. So I worked at not deciding. I ran from misery. But wherever I rant to, there it was.
Nothing Left to Lose
L’affirmation « plus les choses changent, plus elles restent les mêmes » n’est pas correcte. L’histoire ne se répète pas, elle rime.
The most dangerous warrior is one who believes he is already dead. He has nothing left to lose. I’m not there. I’ve got some years in front of me. But I am at a place where I’ve done all the expected things and as I sit here, I’m at another pivot point.
Convention says my choices are either get another real job or accept Social Security. A real job doing what? Social Security offered me about $1200.00/month before taxes. My current spend is at least double that. So the view from here looks like some other what next is needed.
Only Hard Things Left
I haven’t been cowering in a corner of my bedroom ruminating on the looming disasters I imagine. I launched my Arts Fire RVA Store about two years ago. The vision was merchandise sales to support this space. Eight years ago I launched Baugh Holding Company. BHC owns EntTIS, Transit Webb and Arts Fire RVA.
- Baugh Holding Company owns and operates three enterprises:
- EntTIS is IT Infrastructure Services. We do the needful to support the work an enterprise does. We have one client, Balzac Press. Email me to discuss my skills and how I can help you run your Information Infrastructure cheaper, better and faster.
- Transit Webb was the DBA I did Rideshare and Roadie Delivery under. I still have my Roadie account. That’s a possible job I could go back to. The key to it is maintaining my health. Driving for Dollars isn’t something I am excited about.
- Arts Fire RVA is the creator management division of Baugh Holding Company. It is the “FIRE! Doh. Was I supposed to make ready and aim?” division of BHC. It does the content creation and management for this space and the store. Arts Fire RVA owns this space and the store.
I built Baugh Holding Company in the cloud. It’s registered address is my house. The office is a corner of my living room. It’s home is virtual. I built it that way so I could retire to travel and still run my company from a coffee house. So . . . let’s talk about a generalized list of what my skills are from IT Support and Cab Driving. That will help you envision where I and BHC might help you make more money.
Gifts & Capabilities
- Exhortation – 100,000 rides over my twenty year cab driving career. I didn’t talk to all of them. I spoke with enough riders to be able to read the room and talk to it. Also writing. This blog is the longest published bit of writing I’ve done. I’ve been writing unpublished essays since college. God willing there is something entertaining or enlightening in all that blather.
- Graphic Art – I have a portfolio of about twenty watercolors I’ve painted. Most of the graphic art on the store is mine. To be one of the rare ones that earns a living as a creative would be awesome.
- Entrepreneur – I own Baugh Holding Company. You don’t have to hire me as an FTE. You can become a client of BHC’s Client Services or one of its divisions.
More Of That
- Break/Fix – I’m an Original Geek. My history with tech dates back to the eighties. I’m not sure of the status of my certifications. At one time I was certified for Lexmark, Lenovo, HP, and Dell laptop and PC break/fix. Most of the time I know pretty quickly what’s wrong with something and how to fix it.
- Things I learned while cab driving – two ears and one mouth. Simple and not news. For a cab driver that aphorism may keep you alive. Bad guys don’t announce their intentions. They use surprise, try to soften you with charm, or micro-manage the ride. If you can be made docile then you can also be mugged. What saves you is experience and active listening to more than the spoken word. I still have the skill but not so I avoid getting mugged. Now I listen to understand and build rapport.
That’s five things. That’s enough to start the conversation about what next. You can help me by subscribing to this space or by buying merch at the Arts Fire VA Store. Each time I think what next, what horrid outcome looms, it’s never as bad as I fear and it never works out the way I imagined it will. I look forward to discovering what it will be this time.
Well . . . what do I want? It’s easy to spend 1500 words declaring what I fear, what I don’t want, the what next disaster looming. Vision, mission, purpose? That’s harder. What I want is to make this space pay for itself and support me.