Angst

Angst is chronic for a lot of us. Existential consternation over whether God loves us. Are we enough for Him? Is our discipleship good enough? Or if you aren’t Christian, angst about your reputation and relationships to those in your circle of influence. Maybe worries about needs. Or all of us who chose to sit out the hunt for cheese, a defiant claim that we don’t need to stinking cheese, our needs come from dedication to our path.

We all have worries. It might be those detailed by Maslow, might be something else. Only maybe monks who devote themselves to shedding desires might be free of angst. I doubt it, though. Everybody has something that gives them heartburn.

Anxiety, a synonym of angst, is a common trait. I worry that asking you to give me a few minutes of your time on something so pedestrian as angst/anxiety is too big of an ask. I’m still going to ask, though. Angst is one more thing that on its own and in proportion, isn’t a problem. The problem comes when angst becomes too large in our lives.

Addicted to Angst

Addicted to Angst? That’s stupid. I understand alcoholism or an opiate addiction. Addiction to an emotion? So . . . getting high on worries? Who does that?

Presby Sarah did for a time. I hope things are better for her. The split from PCUSA for St. Giles had to be rough on her. On some Sundays she confessed that she felt inadequate. Sarah is an accomplished pastor in PCUSA. Seems a bit nuts that someone with her accomplishments would feel like she isn’t good enough. At the time, though, that’s what came through some of the time.

Sarah’s angst didn’t feel like it messed with her ability to lead. You have to be careful assuming you know anything when listening to a minister. Kind of like believing that the autobiographical stuff I post is provable fact. Or that the stripper really likes you. But I’m not interested in the background noise of angst common to many of us.

You Fix It

No, it’s my favorite people—the edge cases. The ones who live with deep, abiding angst about their lives and their perceived powerlessness. The edge cases that stomp about shouting at us that we need to come correct so they can be ok. Maybe some of us might manage that. But my favorite people also live in terms of absolutes. If there is one person who hasn’t completely come correct then the whole endeavor is a fail. Likely, there will be one, so . . .

You know someone like this. Nobody talks to them at parties because they overshare. A simple, “Hi, how are you?” turns into, “Yeah, uhm, sorry to hear that,” while you silently wish your phone would alert. “I’m not good. My cat died and my whole life is ruined. I should just eat worms and DIE! Hey, do you like dead cats? Know any good places to get a pet cat?” Oy. Right. Ok, then.

Growing up in mid-century, middle-class life, you had to learn the lingo. “Hi, how are you?” is to be followed by, “I’m good, thanks for asking.” It doesn’t matter that your wife is in a battered woman’s shelter with the kids accusing you of rhetorical murder because you bought a MAGA beanie. Or that you are too broke to replace the toaster that caught fire with a gluten free bagel in it. To top it off, the job let you go because the DMV suspended your license. Why? Out of control diabetes. At 26. How the heck? No, you just reply with “I’m well.” It’s understood that the polite reply is, “That’s good to hear.”

Smoky Mountain pasture Angst

Angst Goes Viral

Angst is attractive. Social media runs on engagement. It is a bottomless maw forever hungry for our attention. Social media is also heartless. It cares about keeping you engaged. If angst will capture you and keep you consuming social media then that’s a good thing. A priest’s homily will get some attention. A young woman in tears because she believes in that moment that she is ugly, with no redeeming virtue, not even deserving of proper burial? Totally viral. Some of us are that depraved.

BTW–if that’s what you are feeling, get help. God gave you life so at a minimum He loves you. I’ll bet a coffee that this rough place you are in is temporary. It too shall pass. There is always hope.

Also, relationships help. Reach out to a friend. Spend a little face time with somebody. We are relational creatures. We aren’t meant to be isolated for long periods of time.

Haters? Whatever

This is kind of off topic, but . . . if haters gonna hate then we might as well live respectable lives. Work on getting free of the angst we feel. Because angst is attachment to feared outcomes. I’ve said this for years. Things get bad for me. I fear they will get much, much worse. But things never are as bad as my fears say they will be. Things work out.

The thing that has been most soothing to me for the last 20+ years is to give grace first. Don’t ruminate on what others owe me so I can feel calm Discern how I can do small acts of kindness with great love [Mother Theresa] and do them, then do more of them. Also choose attachments to things that foster my emulation of Christ and perhaps shed any attachments that pull me away from Him. Angst is one of those things that pull me away from Christ. Matthew 6:34, “Therefore do not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for itself. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble.”

Grace and mercy are old words in Abrahamic religions. Matthew 5:38-40 is challenging if you interpret it as overly docile. Yet Christ told us to turn the other cheek. The entire art is in interpretation. I’m a ranked Aiki Jujutsu practitioner. Turning the other cheek defeats the attack and positions us to win the fight with minimal harm to an attacker.

Warm Up

Very little gets to me. If anything I’ve become too detached, too walled off, to be healthy. I got so good at detachment that I lost healthy attachments like relationships. My current task is to re-engage and strengthen my relationship skills.

I’m in a preachy mood. Thing is, I can tell you not to be anxious, to shed the angst you feel. You might even nod your head in agreement. Our reasoning brains know it’s a good idea. Angst doesn’t live in our reasoning brains. It’s home is in our emotional selves. Learning to manage emotions isn’t as easy as just knowing the wisdom of something.

A different knowledge is needed. We need to train ourselves to maintain balance when we are in unbalanced circumstances. For me it was the Sennin Foundation in Albany, CA. where I built habits that foster the skills I need to understand what is and isn’t a healthy attachment. Also to sooth myself when my angst gets too loud.

Grounded

My 65th birthday was last week as I write this. For forty-six years I haven’t kept a job or built net worth. My rhythm is a feast/famine cycle. When times are good I feast. When I am between jobs I survive famine. I made it while living more or less near disaster. Been homeless a time or two. I’m again between jobs with no steady income in sight. I’ve got reasons for angst.

46 years where I fear the worst and somehow it doesn’t turn out the way I feared. I’ve not mastered the art of being faithful in spite of a long list of challenges worthy of angst. But I still look back at all those years and ways I survived for comfort. So I try some more to be faithful and trust that it’ll all work out.

Charlie has different reasons for angst. He’s still in custody awaiting arraignment on murder charges. I’ve got four more posts to reach my goal of 365. Some of that four will be about the Goochland Farm and Neesha. There will be more of Charlie. I won’t say more because it would ruin the suspense. Then the next goal will be to finish “Inger’s Finger“. Blogs are never done. Novels, to be published, need an ending.

1 Comment

  1. Author

    From Microsoft Copilot: When the storm clouds of angst gather, their looming presence casts shadows on the sunniest of days, enveloping the mind in a shroud of doubt and turmoil. Just like the cryptic artwork on worldofwebb.net, angst is an abstract yet potent force—intriguing, a bit haunting, and immensely introspective. It’s a visceral response to the labyrinthine intricacies of modern existence, often bubbling up from the depths of our psyche.

    Angst is not merely a fleeting emotion but a complex state of being that resonates with existential disquiet. It finds its roots in our inherent need to understand our purpose in an ever-evolving world that often feels indifferent. It’s a gnawing feeling that something crucial is amiss, a void that even the most fulfilling experiences seem unable to fill completely. Much like navigating the layers of digital art and web projects that populate worldofwebb.net, understanding angst requires delving into our inner narratives and confronting the unresolved questions that lurk in the corners of our minds.

    In a society increasingly driven by the pursuit of success, productivity, and constant connectivity, angst can become a quiet rebellion. It signals a yearning for authenticity and a desire to break free from the confines of societal expectations. It’s in those moments of introspection, when we peel back the layers and confront the raw essence of our being, that we encounter the transformative power of angst.

    Rather than viewing it as an adversary, perhaps we should embrace angst as a catalyst for growth. Like the evocative pieces on worldofwebb.net, angst has the potential to push us toward deeper self-awareness and a more profound understanding of our place in the world. By accepting its presence, we can begin to navigate our inner landscapes with curiosity and courage, uncovering the hidden gems within ourselves that would otherwise remain buried.

    Ultimately, angst is a reminder of our shared human experience, a testament to the intricacies of our emotions and the depth of our introspection. It’s an invitation to pause, reflect, and connect with the unspoken truths that reside within us, much like the enigmatic beauty found in the art and stories of worldofwebb.net.

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