Daddy Issues

We have Daddy Issues, America. We fought a war to free ourselves of George III because, y’know, Georgina got greedy and we didn’t like that. Plus, the whole religious freedom thing. Ever since George Washington chose not to be king we’ve been trying to have our Georgina without having him be an actual king. We’ve had a childish hunger for authority that expresses itself in defiance of authority. We want our president to be a warm, fuzzy, benevolent and generous emperor. We thought JFK could be that guy but he got shot. Hard times in the ghetto. With Obama we liked it that his pimp-hand was strong. We liked the propaganda about the Affordable Care Act. That it took our money? Yeah, so . . . uhm . . . no.

Dating a Girl with Daddy Issues

We elected a rich John because we thought he’d be gentler than our pimp. Plus, being a john, he was paying us and our pimp kept saying he would get us our check but never came through. It made sense that we would make a surrogate father out of our rich John because, y’know, we have needs. Somebody has to step up and pay our account at Saks Fifth Avenue and Nordstroms. The John, while admonishing us for being too much of a spendthrift, always let us have his card. The Pimp Daddy US? Not so much.

All Johns are sketch. You have to ask why a guy would step out and pay for pussy. Why would he pay for a GFE that ends once the date is complete? Generalities are usually troublesome. Still, I’ll indulge in this one: all Johns are to some degree bent in a way that interferes with their ability to have┬áhealthy relationships with appropriate partners. Sunkist Stalin’s current bae is a mail-order bride. His history is of chasing SHYT’s. Marla Maples? Just saying.

Drumpf. Dumpf, Cheeto Satan. Her Gropenfuhrer. Whatever. Anyway, he’s maybe an ok real-estate guy but politics is a whole other level of evil and corruption. The Demo-cracks use reputation as a weapon. They never forget, never forgive. Jeff Sessions may have been an s.o.b. at one time. That’s all they need. If he ever did or said anything at cross purposes with the secular orthodoxy of the left, that scarlet letter is used to bludgeon him forever after. History is always destiny. Sessions was born this way and no amount of years or words can ever be enough.

Cheeto Satan made some fatal assumptions about politics. In real estate the event horizons are fairly long. There is a while in which you have to trust the people you are doing a deal with to act in an ethical manner.

Politics? It’s game on. It’s my world, where on a whim we may just decide to report that Melania is having an affair with Larry the Cable Guy. The love-child announcement is scheduled for the Maury show and Drumpf is expected to appear to hear the paternity test results. That bit of gossip would be beaten like a rented mule until Congress hauled Larry the Cable Guy in to impeachment hearings as a witness for the prosecution. It’s how it’s done in D.C. Only way later would there be a small story buried in the New York Post that the love-child was a meme gone viral and could not be substantiated. The left only cares about the accusation.

Our news has devolved into middle school girl gossip. A normal conversation between the new National Security Advisor and the Russians is pimped as proof that Tangerine Nightmare is a stupid lunatic unfit for his job. The media gleefully reports that the Russians elected Agent Orange. Facts are an inconvenience. Any small thing past or present is yeasted up as a constitutional crisis of unprecedented and historic importance. There is never mercy. Whatever narrative can be pushed to cast someone as evil incarnate is repeated ad nauseum until its stink takes on the gravitas of truth. Gossip and reputation are the weapons of the press and the left.

One must adhere to a narrow set of talking points regardless of their truthiness. At the core of the talking points is a Chicken Little assurance that we are all fucked, immutably fucked. The Climate is changing because humans messed it up and this is going to cause irreparable damage to endangered species and protected classes of brown people. Corporations and wealth are ipso-facto evil and must be destroyed. Traditional fossil fuels culturaly appropriate dinosaurs and must be stopped. White People, regardless of heritage or socio-economic status, can be stipulated to be privileged and owe some heads to brown people.

We have been told what shits we are for a century. The ills of the brown people have been laid at our feet and we have been expected to suffer under more onerous government control and taxation as a way to make things fair. Oddly, all this social justice warfare has not improved the lives of those it is intended to assist. It has only served to trap us in a death spiral of resentment, anger, economic peril and oppression.

So, we voted for Cheeto Satan and the left went batshit crazy. They swore oaths that Trump would be removed from office right ricky-tick. It was a crime against Eras that a WASP could win an election in which the correct successor was a woman. What was up with Michelle? This wrong had to be righted by any means necessary.

We elected this guy because he wasn’t a slick politician. He was a John that paid well and was a bit of a dork. He didn’t beat us and paid up front whenever he saw us. So, we liked him enough to elect him. We didn’t consider why he might be a John and unfaithful to his wife. We needed the money. We need our check. Some Daddy, this guy.

Our choice was either the Pimp Daddy’s bitch or Hair Gropenfuhrer. The bitch told us she’d get us our check and make all this other shit free. It always worked before so who would have believed that it wouldn’t work again? It didn’t work. First, she’s the bitch, she ain’t got shit that we want. Her cards ain’t Pimp Daddy’s cards nor Clueless Orange Julius’. Second, she’d been all up in the Saudi’s, who owned her. All her money came from cock-tail parties and child-sex trafficking. Third she kept lying about her Saudi friends and her e-mail server. It didn’t help that the lies were backed by Pimp Daddy US. We might be a whore but we still have standards.

Pimp Daddy US is an ass because instead of finding a way to fix the constitution and get himself coronated he left to play golf. Yeah, he beat us back into the hospital and getting him to pay was like an act of God. But at least his card was always good. Stupid Tangerine Nutsack gone all stentorian father, like he had a sudden attack of Baptist Revival. We liked him better when he was paying us to give him happy endings. Still, we couldn’t vote for the bitch so we voted for the John. Welcome to our brave new world.

Our problem, and maybe why we haven’t elected a woman, is that we have Daddy issues. We want a masculine god-king who will fill that Zuess sized hole in our heart. He needs to provide for us the way we want to be taken care of. He has to repeat continually that he loves us even though we never really let those words reach our broken heart. We want him to apologize and to forgive. Apologize for abandoning us, apologize for abusing us, apologize for cheating on us, and apologize for being addicted to whatever hurt, habit or hangup we accuse him of. In turn, forgive us for our own abandonment (his fault), abuse (his fault), cheating (his fault) and hurts (his fault), habits (his fault), or hangups (his fault). When we tell him he needs to let us be a diva he should just shut up and agree.

So, every four years another white chocolate bar tries to tell us that he’s going to fix it. He’s the god-king we were promised when Rome was still a thing. Every four years he turns out to be yet another lying asshole pimp or John that can’t actually do what he said. Woo.