Proud Boys

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In: Commentary

I got an impressive e-mail from PUDFARB REC with the subject line, “The Truth Shall Set You Free.” Wrong. Their truth is that I am more evil than Voldemort. Every misery they suffer is attributable to something I did or am. All the candles lit, rituals performed, and incantations spokenContinue Reading

Martin Luther Holy Woke

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Yo, are you holy woke, bro? Yes? By how much? Are you genuinely holy woke, tho? Have you identified your grievance, malady, and kink? Nobody cares about pronouns anymore. That’s so yesterday. Did you submit your GMK choices to the PUDFARB Committee on Compliance, Karen? What was the verdict? ToContinue Reading

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The Bucket List is empty. I have an empty bucket list. Why? I don’t wait. If it’s important enough for the bucket list then I’ll do it. My core narrative over the last sixty-plus years focused on the failures. No white-collar union job I can retire from. The wife turnedContinue Reading

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Crazy, right? Victory is Evil? Whelp . . . if you want to keep your place in the New Woke Order you better agree that victory is evil. Your Social Credit Score in the NWO requires three things: a grievance, a malady and a kink. So to maintain a highContinue Reading

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LET’S GET READY TO RUMBLE! TONIGHT’S MAIN EVENT, MAMA V MAGA! In the blue corner, the reigning, defending champion of the Empire, wearing blue trunks and a cute rainbow sports bra, MAMA! In the red corner, the enemy of God, the evilest, evil, evil contender of all time, the racist,Continue Reading

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This must be a leaked e-mail. I was BCC’d on it. “PUDFARB DIE BUREAU PROJECT MANAGEMENT SOFTWARE EVALUATION COMMITTEE INTERIM PROGRESS REPORT” was the subject line. The body of the e-mail wasn’t at all what the heading was. Two major themes: PUDFARB’s President is pissed that the uptime on theirContinue Reading

Sir Thomas

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In: Commentary

For the normie world, choosing a creative career is nuts. Failure is the likely result. A creative will spend most of their years toiling in anonymity and suffering the slings and arrows of normie rejection for making such an absurd choice. “I’m going to earn my living as a writer,”Continue Reading

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Back then, Charlie was all that. High school football, adored by cheerleaders, Honors Society student, courted by Ivy League schools, the beaux of Ophie, who was the sought-after bell of the Bal du Bois. He was top ten with a bullet. Today? He lives in the staff dorm at aContinue Reading

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Neesha started it. She is white. Not just caramel brown with kinky blonde hair. Full hillbilly white—straight blonde hair, blue eyes, 115lbs, 5’3″ . . . bra size? You sick bastard. Hips? Don’t, just don’t. You misogynist, evil sycophant of the patriarchy! Neesha identifies as black and you are racistContinue Reading

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In: Commentary

Failure to commit is my life’s purpose. My wish is to earn a living with these words. My other wish is to enjoy the fruits of my bougie life. These two wishes conflict. So I live on the fence top neither writer nor cube rat. I want to be oneContinue Reading