The Woke True Folk never fail to supply me with fodder for mockery. They form a target-rich tribe that stumbles into absurdity with every protest. Yet Donald Trump has outdone them all with the Trump Military Parade 2025. This Soviet-style spectacle celebrates the Army’s 250th birthday alongside his own 79th, draping toxic optics over Constitution Avenue. Tanks for the Birthday, Donnie.
I tend to wait until a few weeks have passed before writing about a hot event. It turns out that the nationwide tantrum funded by rich white boomers helped Tang Tyrant. The kids who riotted banged into law enforcement and trashed reputations on social media. Rather than unleash a revolution and follow on utopia what transpired instead was a love fest for Twitler. The “NO KINGS” protests? Were like the morning after a one-night stand where the hangover is epic and the answer to, “did we?” is, “I don’t remember.”
Well . . . this is awkward. Why would we give such a big, beautiful birthday gift to the opposition? The claim is that Emperor Tang is the nightmare/hotness Dear Leader the Blue Team warns us about. So say the Blues, Cheetoh Satan will be the death of all of us. But he’s SO sexy!
Our regime criers have late night ejaculations dreaming of the optics of Orange Foolius on a parade viewing stand watching our military-might put on a show of force. But DJT can’t resist so we’ll get a 6700 man, 28 tank dog and pony show this Saturday, 6/14/2025. He calls it “better than any parade ever,” but it looks like Mao Zedong rented a tank for a selfie. Stupid.
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Maui Wowie Selfie
The strength I respect is small and quiet. It’s not a MAGA meathead, all biceps and bravado, strutting through D.C. with 28 tanks, 6,700 soldiers, and a dog named Doc Holiday. I trust more an old, small man who looks like an easy win in a fight. This ain’t Red Square, Don, and you’re no general. You’re the guy who thinks 50 helicopters make a birthday cake.
The guy I trust is in a local park at 4:30 a.m. doing Tai Chi for an hour. He’s Mr. Miyagi or Michael Jai White doing kata. He’s nothing, nobody—a waiter at a Korean BBQ in Milpitas, CA. Until you provoke him. Then you’re curled up, wriggling from a joint lock, in pain. MAGA meathead might try him, but those muscles fade fast.
My guy isn’t alone. There is a group that gathers at the Almaden Quicksilver Mining Museum. They move like a gentle breeze. To the casual observer the group looks like Asian dancers moving to some memorized choreography. To those that know, it is much more than that.
NO! Not THAT! Promise!
The Trump military parade 2025 is a toddler’s tantrum in a suit. At 6:30 p.m. EDT, June 14, 2025, Constitution Avenue will host 6,700 soldiers, 28 M1A1 Abrams tanks (70 tons each), 28 Bradley Fighting Vehicles, 28 Stryker carriers, four Paladin howitzers, 50 helicopters, 34 horses, two mules, and Doc Holiday the dog. The Golden Knights will parachute to hand Trump a flag, a $25–45 million gift for his 79th birthday, piggybacking the Army’s 250th. Reuters pegs $16 million for street repairs, despite steel plates to cushion tank treads.
Trump boasts it’s “better than any parade ever.” Critics like Sen. Richard Blumenthal call it what it is–a dictator’s stunt. It’s Maoist vibes: tanks for a leader’s ego, not victory. Does every tin pot dictator dream of public adoration while viewing a phallic flex? I thought Orange Menace had more confidence in his masculinity. This ain’t strength—it’s a tantrum with toy tanks.
Trump’s parade fetish started in 2017, inspired by France’s Bastille Day. His first-term Pentagon balked, citing $92 million costs and “dictator” optics. D.C. Mayor Muriel Bowser killed a 2018 plan, tweeting its $21.6 million price. Now, with second-term loyalists like Pete Hegseth, resistance melted. Bowser’s griping about damage but seeking “common ground.” The Army’s 250th, a modest festival, got hijacked into this flex.
Truthier Feels
Trump is sick with the smell of his own farts. Someone has gotten to his head that a Maoist show of military force will give truthier feels to his loyalists and worry his opposition. No, Donny. Real men don’t need to wave around phallic symbols to prove their strength. We change diapers and sing lullabyes after midnight so Mom can get some sleep.
His opposition, though, believes that gaming fantasies can be truly IRL. They can get paid to LARP as twentieth century revolutionaries fighting for the downtrodden in designer black-block. They can . . . but the hope and change they claim destroys hope and ravages the cities hosting their orgy of molotov cocktails, violence and teargas.
1969 was 56 years ago. Grandpa was a warrior for the cause back in the day. Now he’s in a recliner napping the remaining time away. The grandkids care more about Fortnite than whatever zoshul just us is bleeting alerts on their phones. Or . . . some of them do. Others entertain us with their riots. Woo.
Normal is Evil
In 1984, I watched radicals trash Berkeley from a Taxi Unlimited cab—a co-op that collapsed under its own addicts, not The Man. Not far from our Blake Street office on Telegraph Avenue the root cause wasn’t the radicals trashing the city. No, it was The Man. The Man needed to come correct.
The answer evangelized by the masked, black block rioters in 2025 Los Angeles and shared with us, Taxi Unlimited was fish. Feed them a fish. Well, what about teach them to fish? THAT’S THE MOST BOUGIE, CAPITALIST, RACIST, MEGA-MAGA HATEFUL THING I EVER HEARD YOU SAY, YOU EVIL PIG! Oh, thanks for sharing.
So it goes, that according to the Woke True Folk, Latinx people are oppressed. It’s not fair that Latinx people live on less than $5.00/day while racist capitalist pigs gorge themselves on luxury goods and live in multi-million dollar homes in the Hollywood Hills. The answer is to take them from their Central American homes, bring them here, give them housing, education, money, and jobs so they won’t be poor any longer. On one condition, they stay in their caste as downtrodden. The Woke True Folk need peasants to point to as the consequences of EEEEVILL capitalism. Because, feels are truth.
What’s Wrong With Home?
This is what’s wrong with home—it doesn’t fit the narrative. We, in our first world country, can’t live on less than $100.00/day. So a whole nation that lives on $5.00/day is an absurdity. It must be changed. These people, these Latinx people, have to live our lifestyle. That’s how we battle oppression. We can end capitalism caused misery by giving them apartments, Rivian electric cars, and an autorenewed cash card for Wegmans. Their medical care will be 100% covered. Tuition at school through college will be paid for. And those that accept this generosity must remain in the designated caste.
What’s wrong with the WASP grandchildren of boomers who are protesting the deportation of BiteMe’s serfs? They have co-opted the perceived oppression of latinx people to justify nursing a grievance against The Man. Second, they have a nearly religious belief that treating the sympton will cure the disease. Which . . . it might if the disease diagnosed was correct. Which it isn’t.
Since they diagnose the problem as a disparity between our first world life and their third world life thereby concluding that the answer is to give them our first world lifestyle, why are they mad? Latinx people came here and we gave them iPhones, debit cards, green cards, voter registration, driver’s licenses, and paid their rent everything should be awesome! Just . . . the Latinx can’t leave.
Drink the Tea
Trump and LA’s black-block rioters sip the same delusion brew—ignore root rot, treat symptoms. Trump’s apology to the military? A $25–45 million Trump Military Parade 2025 trophy. Their fix for Latinx? 5G iPhone 16s. Sip it, suckers—feelings rule.
I ran my mouth eight years ago about some protestors who stood on 95S in Downtown Richmond. Their grievance was the racist treatment of African Americans by RPD. Somehow, these 13 protestors would make us care about black lives in a manner pleasing to them. It’s 2025. Not much has changed. The previous administration opened the border to the suffering latinx people. Because it’s only fair. And then Copper Caligula did a mortal sin and started sending the latinx home. That horrible, awful, no good man.
I believe the black-block radicals punching today’s cops are crazy and addicted. They are addicted to grievance, malady, kink, and athiesm. They *have* to have their fix of the five pillars. Trump is the loving father dragging them to an intervention and rehab. These BBR’s are not surrendering quietly. They want to kick and scream until their health collapses. For the REVOLUTION!
NO! You Are the Crazy One!
It’s the week following the parade and fantasmagoric LARPing. Trump won the messaging battle with a couple tweets. Above is a screenshot of one of the posts on X:
One more time the money behind AntiFa or whatever outrage mob is deployed, believed their own propaganda. Kim Jong Orange is an existential threat for them. So they must be agin him and everything they accuse him of. And one more time their own tantrum fueled rhetoric fell flat. Things are looking good.